It’s been awhile since I’ve had wine.
AND I JUST FOUND SOME WINE IN MY (TEETOTALER) PARENT’S HOUSE.
Then I jimmied it open using a Swiss army knife and ingenuity and now I’ve drunk all of it and I will be the first drunk person my parents have ever found drunk in their house. (Except for all those times I came home drunk and passed out in my bed but avoided saying good night to my Mom and woke up the next morning with hangovers and then threw up in the shower and it was OK after that.)
All of this is to say I’ve watching Parks & Rec and it’s great. BUT ALSO THAT WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME I’M A LESBIAN.
So I googled ‘how to identify a lesbian’ and then maybe I will stop doing some of the things I’m obviously doing so I stop getting hit on by the ladies! Why do ladies keep hitting on me?! Ugh. I guess it turns out I just don’t like being hit on period. I don’t even go to lesbian bars! Dudes should want to date me, I’m an excellent kisser and funny. And super at wearing clothes! And not wearing clothes.
Oh goodness I am so hot right now. Does wine make you hot? I forget. Am I just sitting by the fire? That could be it. OK, mystery solved. I’m the best detective!
Is drunk blogging, do people do it? I’m concerned about my grammar.
LESLIE KNOPE!@7 months ago with 5 notes
#lesbians #wine #oh no