Remind me to Erase my Google History Tomorrow

Sooooooooo

It’s been awhile since I’ve had wine.

AND I JUST FOUND SOME WINE IN MY (TEETOTALER) PARENT’S HOUSE.

Then I jimmied it open using a Swiss army knife and ingenuity and now I’ve drunk all of it and I will be the first drunk person my parents have ever found drunk in their house. (Except for all those times I came home drunk and passed out in my bed but avoided saying good night to my Mom and woke up the next morning with hangovers and then threw up in the shower and it was OK after that.)

All of this is to say I’ve watching Parks & Rec and it’s great. BUT ALSO THAT WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME I’M A LESBIAN.

So I googled ‘how to identify a lesbian’ and then maybe I will stop doing some of the things I’m obviously doing so I stop getting hit on by the ladies! Why do ladies keep hitting on me?! Ugh. I guess it turns out I just don’t like being hit on period. I don’t even go to lesbian bars! Dudes should want to date me, I’m an excellent kisser and funny. And super at wearing clothes! And not wearing clothes.

Oh goodness I am so hot right now. Does wine make you hot? I forget. Am I just sitting by the fire? That could be it. OK, mystery solved. I’m the best detective!

got it.

Is drunk blogging, do people do it? I’m concerned about my grammar.

LESLIE KNOPE!

@7 months ago with 5 notes
#lesbians #wine #oh no 
NOOOOOOOO CRISIS IN NATALISTAN! I mean…I bought some new frames, right? Yes. I am right, I did indeed purchase these frames.  And in the store I was all ‘sick brah! check out these wicked good glasses!’ (I mean, more like ‘mhhm, i could wear these nicely’) BUT THEN I was forced to look at these pictures (taken of myself today) in which these new glasses were also photographed. And friends. OH MY. They do no look awesome. They look…like the above picture. I’m smiling….but only because I don’t know how ridiculous I look. I will probably get over this whole thing. But let’s just remember the little panic I’ve just been having.

NOOOOOOOO

CRISIS IN NATALISTAN!

I mean…I bought some new frames, right? Yes. I am right, I did indeed purchase these frames.  And in the store I was all ‘sick brah! check out these wicked good glasses!’ (I mean, more like ‘mhhm, i could wear these nicely’)

BUT THEN

I was forced to look at these pictures (taken of myself today) in which these new glasses were also photographed. And friends. OH MY. They do no look awesome. They look…like the above picture.

I’m smiling….but only because I don’t know how ridiculous I look.

I will probably get over this whole thing. But let’s just remember the little panic I’ve just been having.

@1 year ago
#OH NO #glasses #natalistan #petite panic 
topherchris: Today is Super Tuesday. What is Super Tuesday? Super Tuesday is the day in the election cycle when citizens of Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, and Alaska finally give up. OH NO I SUPER FORGOT ABOUT SUPER TUESDAY.

topherchris:

Today is Super Tuesday. What is Super Tuesday?

Super Tuesday is the day in the election cycle when citizens of Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, and Alaska finally give up.

OH NO I SUPER FORGOT ABOUT SUPER TUESDAY.

@1 year ago with 68 notes
#SUPER TUESDAY #oh no #polidicks 
Remind me to Erase my Google History Tomorrow

Sooooooooo

It’s been awhile since I’ve had wine.

AND I JUST FOUND SOME WINE IN MY (TEETOTALER) PARENT’S HOUSE.

Then I jimmied it open using a Swiss army knife and ingenuity and now I’ve drunk all of it and I will be the first drunk person my parents have ever found drunk in their house. (Except for all those times I came home drunk and passed out in my bed but avoided saying good night to my Mom and woke up the next morning with hangovers and then threw up in the shower and it was OK after that.)

All of this is to say I’ve watching Parks & Rec and it’s great. BUT ALSO THAT WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME I’M A LESBIAN.

So I googled ‘how to identify a lesbian’ and then maybe I will stop doing some of the things I’m obviously doing so I stop getting hit on by the ladies! Why do ladies keep hitting on me?! Ugh. I guess it turns out I just don’t like being hit on period. I don’t even go to lesbian bars! Dudes should want to date me, I’m an excellent kisser and funny. And super at wearing clothes! And not wearing clothes.

Oh goodness I am so hot right now. Does wine make you hot? I forget. Am I just sitting by the fire? That could be it. OK, mystery solved. I’m the best detective!

got it.

Is drunk blogging, do people do it? I’m concerned about my grammar.

LESLIE KNOPE!

7 months ago
#lesbians #wine #oh no 
topherchris: Today is Super Tuesday. What is Super Tuesday? Super Tuesday is the day in the election cycle when citizens of Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, and Alaska finally give up. OH NO I SUPER FORGOT ABOUT SUPER TUESDAY.
1 year ago
#SUPER TUESDAY #oh no #polidicks 
NOOOOOOOO CRISIS IN NATALISTAN! I mean…I bought some new frames, right? Yes. I am right, I did indeed purchase these frames.  And in the store I was all ‘sick brah! check out these wicked good glasses!’ (I mean, more like ‘mhhm, i could wear these nicely’) BUT THEN I was forced to look at these pictures (taken of myself today) in which these new glasses were also photographed. And friends. OH MY. They do no look awesome. They look…like the above picture. I’m smiling….but only because I don’t know how ridiculous I look. I will probably get over this whole thing. But let’s just remember the little panic I’ve just been having.
1 year ago
#OH NO #glasses #natalistan #petite panic